he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
