and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
