Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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