I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
