Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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