He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
