I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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