Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
