ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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