Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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