end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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