distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
