If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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