either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
