My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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