everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
