What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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