Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My bed smells like the plague
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
