i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
