Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
