Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
