my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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