And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
