he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
