DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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