No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
