I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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