if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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