He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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