Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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