I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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