I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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