So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
