there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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