i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
