i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
