I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
