Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
