when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
