I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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