He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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