So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
