apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize