and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
