i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
