i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know her cup size but not her name....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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