Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
