she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
