woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
