If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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