hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
