When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
