Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
