did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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