It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
