Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
