Will you blow on my dice?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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