I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
