just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
