maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
