I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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