I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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